I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
