Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
