If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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