You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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