My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
