I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
