just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dear god my vagina.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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