How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she told me i tasted like america
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
tell me about the fingering
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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