Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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