I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize