Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
