Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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