I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
