I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
