Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
