Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
