His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
