I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
birth control should be required to get into college
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Green mimosas i think yes
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
