So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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