i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
