i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize