forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
