my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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