Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
