im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
