i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
