i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
