I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
