It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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