What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
