i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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