he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
