I cannot find my penis.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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