I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
