You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We need to rekindle our bromance
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
