2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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