Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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