This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
