Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
