Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
