I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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