How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I skipped work to stalk him.
im holly from the hills drunk
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
