she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
