I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize