I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
