Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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