Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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