Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
