Duck Duck Cougar?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
