You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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