Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
