that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
