If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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