you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
