Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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