I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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