That's intense
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
