This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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