I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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