I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize