So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
