Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
