dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
