And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Houston, we have a squirter
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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