he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
